I’ve always thought of myself as quite an open person. I used to be quite secretive as a teenager and I liked my space but, what teenager doesn’t go through a phase like that, I suppose? I’ve grown up a lot since then and realised “a problem shared is a problem halved” and whilst I was very much more open than in my teens, in the last few months due to the changes I made that I mentioned in my last blog, I’ve realised that what I thought was me being open and happy to share…wasn’t actually that at all. To sum in up in short…I’m done with playing games. I want to use my words.
I’m always on about communication being underrated and using your words to actually express how you feel instead of letting people guess and keeping them in the dark but I’ve come to realise that I, myself, never explored that to it’s full extent. When I say that I’m done with playing games, the two games that, I’ve found, are usually played are these: 1. You feel a certain way. Instead of letting someone know how you feel, you drop hints to see if they figure it out on their own and if they don’t figure it out, you hold it against them because you feel they should know you better. 2. You feel a certain way. Instead of communicating those feelings you hide them because if you do reveal how you feel, it would lead to an awkward conversation so you see how long you can keep quiet for and make those problems disappear by themselves. (Which they never do…#JustSayin’)
That could be, totally, just me. I’ve played those games before. And well. However, I don’t think it’s just me because I’ve definitely had those games played on me before and boy, is it sucky and man, am I tired of it! I’ve got to a point where I don’t understand why we can’t just be straightforward! Why can’t I just use my words and have people use their words back at me? (Why can’t we all just bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and eat it and be happy?!?!) There’s no need for games and hiding. You can never help the way you feel and if you’ve changed your mind about something, that’s totally okay. What’s not okay is hiding how you feel and keeping other people in the dark and letting them make decisions based on the way you used to feel without correcting them because it really does effect other people sometimes! I made a whole video on this so I’m going to let past me do the talking and I’ll move on to my actual point….
Recently, I’ve realised what it is to actually be honest by meeting kindred, broken spirits. It’s a bittersweet thing to admit to somebody that you’ve been so emotionally broken by somebody else that you know how not to treat someone else that way and to have them admit the same thing back to you. It’s bitter because it sucks you’ve all been treated that way but it’s sweet because you know how NOT okay it is to treat someone that way and you’ll all make a huge effort to avoid it. Recently, I have met such kindred spirits and strangely (bittersweetly) more than one, boys and girls alike. They are truly wonderful people and how anyone ever treated them in such a way is BEYOND me but the fact I get to meet them and talk to them and prove to them that not everyone is going to be sucky, is wonderful and I feel very lucky to be friends with them. We get to be part of the healing process for each other. The thing we gotta work on is how not to get so involved in fixing each other that we ignore our own problems. That would land us all back at square one.
So, yeah. I’ve started to be more honest about how I feel. More open. More willing to say “Actually, I’m not entirely happy with that.” or “Can I just say, I actually really like you?” or “I don’t think you realise just how sorry I am”. It’s making such a huge difference to my life and by expressing these feelings I never feel like I’m carrying around any extra weights. I feel like a far more light hearted, less intense, well balanced person. Sure, it sucks I had to go down a road very close to hell to get here but being here now is what matters…right?xxx
aww, that is sweet :’) i’m glad he likes my url, thank you for telling me!
and it really is a fantastic and so underappreciated show and people don’t nearly give it the credit it deserves. i’m glad his high school played the show, i can imagine how great it must be to be a part of it as a student! :)
YOU KNOW YOU’RE A MUSICAL THEATRE PERSON WHEN
“ We’ve got one thing that Voldemort doesn’t have: something worth fighting for. ”
Epicness to its max.
I did know Rue. She wasn’t just my ally, she was my friend. I see her in the flowers that grow in the meadow by my house. I hear her in the Mockingjay song. I see her in my sister Prim. She was too young, too gentle and I couldn’t save her. I’m sorry.
You went and met with a manager that told that you had to get plastic surgery?
next to normal lyric graphics || anonymous
next to normal [germany 2013]
i wanna talk about it but i really dont wanna talk about it
"I’m not that girl"
~don’t wish, don’t start
wishing only wounds the heart,
I wasn’t born for the rose and the pearl,
there’s a girl I know,
he loves her so,
I’m not that girl.~
Inpsired by the wonderful performance of Jemma Rix